Tuesday, April 13, 2010

There's nothing wrong with your face.

*sigh* this weekend was a hard but happy one for me. We celebrated my husbands birthday which was also supposed to be the due date of our child. Not going to lie, we were hoping for a girl and her name would have been Amelia after my grandmother...before we found out Max was a boy, it was going to be his name as well. Amelia was and is not to be, at 14 weeks along my body betrayed me. At least that's what I felt at the time and in the months that have followed. I was blindsided, but luckily in the Dr.'s office and they rushed me to the hospital and into surgery to stop the bleeding.... and it was over. I was alive, but our child was gone. The Dr told me the baby had ceased to be a few weeks before. I went through the range of emotions at top rate speed, how could I not have known?
April 11th came and it was almost a relief, like I could finally let go. I am the mother of two wonderful boys and will be mother-in-law to two wonderful women, or men if they should so choose. I have an amazing husband who has put up with me breaking my own heart over and over since. I have the best family and friends anyone could ask for and I am ready to let myself be happy...fully.
This is a song Ash gave to me when we first found out I was pregnant and I am just now able to listen to it again because it's a damn good song!

Present/infant

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